My Kid Sees Me as an ATM - How I Got Here?
When your child turns you into a walking wallet - and how to break the cycle
7 a.m. The phone rings. "Dad, I need 20 euros for school." Click. No good morning, no question about how I am. Just money.
As I stare at the phone screen, I realize something terrifying: My 12-year-old son sees me as a living ATM. And worse? I taught him to see me that way.
How It All Started - The Divorce Trap
After the divorce, I felt guilty. Immense guilt. My son stayed with his mother, and I saw him every other weekend. Two days a month to be a "father." How could I not feel bad?
So, I started "buying" him.
- Every time he came over, I bought him something.
- Every time he called to ask for something, I said yes.
- Every time he wanted money, I gave it without questions.
I thought this would make him love me more. I thought it would make up for lost time. I made the biggest mistake of my life as a father.
The Moment of Truth - When Your Kid Becomes Rude
A month ago, Nikos came for our weekend. As soon as he walked in, he said: "Dad, I want the new iPhone." "Good evening to me too, Nikos," I replied. "Yeah, hi. So, will you get it for me?" "It costs 1,200 euros..." "So? Don't you have money?"
At that moment, something inside me broke. This kid—my kid—was talking to me like I was his employee. Like I owed him everything just because I'm his father.
The Harsh Truth About Money and Kids
Over the next few hours, I noticed his behavior. Every conversation ended with money:
- "Dad, give me 10 euros for the school canteen."
- "Dad, I want to go to the cinema."
- "Dad, my friends went to an expensive restaurant."
He never asked how I was, what I did at work, or if I was okay. Just money. I had turned our father-son relationship into a customer-bank transaction.
How I Changed the Situation - A Guide for Parents
I decided to stop. Cold turkey. And it was the hardest thing I've ever done as a parent.
Step 1: Learning to Say "No" to My Child
The next time he called for money, I said no. "What do you mean no?" he asked, shocked. "I mean I won't give you money every time you call."
He hung up. He didn't speak to me for a week.
Step 2: How to Set Healthy Boundaries with Kids
When he came the next weekend (grumpy), I explained the new allowance rules:
- Allowance: 20 euros per week
- Extra expenses: We discuss them first
- Gifts: Only on birthdays and Christmas "I'm not a bank," I told him. "I'm your father."
Step 3: Creating New Family Traditions
Instead of buying his love, I started:
- Cooking together every Saturday
- Watching a movie he chooses
- Playing football in the park
- Talking about his school problems
Time, not money.
What Changed in Our Relationship - Results After 6 Months
I won't say everything turned rosy overnight. Nikos got angry. He accused me of "changing." He said he preferred his mom because she understands him.
But slowly, he started to change too.
Last month, he called me without asking for money. Just to tell me he got an 18 on a math test. Last week, he asked if I was sad because my team lost.
He started seeing me as a person, not an ATM.
Tips for Parents Facing the Same Problem
If you recognize yourself in this story, stop. Now.
You can't buy your kids' love. No matter what you've done, no matter the guilt from the divorce, the solution isn't your wallet.
What Kids Really Need:
- Time, not money
- Attention, not gifts
- Boundaries, not tolerance
- A father, not a sponsor
Practical Parenting Guidance Tips:
- Set a clear allowance - Don't give extra money constantly
- Learn to say no - Kids need boundaries to feel safe
- Create new traditions - Activities that don't cost money
- Talk honestly - Explain why you're changing your approach
Yes, they'll be mad at first. Yes, they'll call you mean. But long-term, they'll respect you more.
The End of the Story
Last night, Nikos called me. I expected him to ask for money for something.
Instead, he said: "Dad, I love you. Have a good day at work tomorrow."
He hung up, and I cried. Not from sadness this time. From joy.
I had found my son again.
Frequently Asked Questions for Parents
Q: How much allowance should I give my child?
A: It depends on age and your finances. For kids 10-15 years old, 15-30€ per week is reasonable.
Q: What if my child gets angry when I say no?
A: It's normal. Stay firm and explain that boundaries are for their good.
Q: How do I handle guilt after a divorce?
A: Don't offset it with money. The quality time you spend together matters more than gifts.
If you've been through a similar situation with your child, write to me in the comments. You're not alone in this. For more parenting guidance tips, follow DaddyLife.gr.